_ 24/12/08 Kepadamu kekasih _

24/12/08

Letter 2 Zhiwei...b4 eu read I wld advice eu read the below nye (23/12/08) 1st.. so eu have a better understanding of my situation.

2 My Dearest Sayang (Zhi),

I write 2 eu from the bottom of my heart.

Hmmm am really really sorrie 4 wat I said in my mesg la...:( And IM SORRIE I FELL ASLEEP on U...I tak de NIAT nak cakap and buat mcm 2! Im sorrie n I admit dat I lost my temper..n no excuse even tho i had a bad day watso ever I shldnt have taken it out on u. I am serious la..I totally lost it bare in mind I JUST WOKE up! So I harap u bleh maafkan I..if u tak nak pown tak pe I tak pakse..

About the "u nort being suitable 4 me..n I pakse diri i 2 suke u"...nort true..sayang seriously setiap kali I bernafas setiap kali 2 la I fikir kat u..I nak mandi..nak makan..nak tido...wen i outside..wen i nid help/advice..haiz malu 2 say EVEN WEN I PEE i tink of eu (cuz i bring my fone in toilet =.=") and u can ask all those friends of mine hu said 2 me "can u stop talking about him already...sikit2 dier!"...So wat..buat salah tak buat salah...ya do oso im DAMNED dont do OSO im DAMNED..both ways oso kena! CIKEK! Still tink "I PAKSE DIRI i 2 like u....?" =.=" If u tak caye u belah la dadah...X-ray la hati..

N sum1 once told mi "aiya...ur mom marah oso is ur MOM wat! Which mother donte sayang her own child...so sabar je la.." now I telling u/myself back "Bf marah/merajok/upset oso is MY BF WAT! Which bf dont sayang his own gf..so sabar je la.."

Hmm but seriously I tak nak gaduh...I want dis 2 work..if eu really tak nak den ok la I tak pakse BUT I REALLY WANT IT...so I tink u shld RELEK n TAKE a STEP back n tink it over again....After dis I duno la u oso nak marah2 i..n merajok kat i juz like my bro...fine la i terima..SUMtimes we hav 2 speak wif mercy..Y?..I alwayz insult others KANASAI..now Im really KANASAI..maybe I deserve 2 be treated like dis by others I duno...:S

SO the decision is urs...I ady said I NAK...N if I say i tak pakse diri i means I tak pakse la. N yes i can hear u say.."Not my PROBLEM".. Bu shi ni de wen ti, xian zai shi wo men de wen ti le....
Am waiting 4 eu...NiAt HaTi Ku Tak NaK BeRpIsAh...


* Ya allah...I noe I made lots of mistakes n proally said things I dont mean..But pls I dah tak tau nak buat ape n mcm maner nak pujuk dier! Ya allah pls buka kan lah pintu mamat 2 supaya die bleh menerimaku kembali...pls pls pls...am begging..*AMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNn

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Hmm 1st of ALL I HOPE UR HAPPY KOR well done u scored A+ 4 ruining my LIFE..HOPE UR HAPPY dat my BF just DUMPED ME..or lets just say ON THE verge of cuz he didnt really make it official!

hm woke up at 3.55...saw 2 mesgs from ZzzZzz replied him n waited till 4.45am den went 2 shower and pray....

Afta praying...hmmm cldnt help but cry...1st kena from my kor now kena from bf! Adoiiii..hmmm den dad called he asked me 2 follow mom 2 work 2 help her do paper work there n so dat me n kor WONT FIGHT in the house...ok la so I did..b4 left house wash the dishes and keep the dry plates n watered the plants..big smile on mom's face...

At her office...read newspaper n fell asleep..hmmm den was shiok in my dream ZzzzzZzz mesg..hmmm wat he said ar...aiyo my heart stop beating =.=" worse part was wen he said "like dat oso wan cry"....afta kena from 22 yr old kor now from 23yr old BF...boleh tak cry?! FO MIA! SUMORE his words oso like I kena DUMP..:'( :( :( troz no mood do anything...he said la anything juz mesg him..hmmm afta a few he stopped replying...n I was damn restless! Do wat oso no mood! Wan cry oso HELD MY TEARS...cuz of wat HE SAID!

Wen after lunch me n mom went home...balik je change baju n jump in bed...CANNOT HELP BUT 2 CRY LIKE BABY LAAAAAAA...my pillow was soaking n tissue oso finish...read wat he said over n over...

YE LAAA I TERIMA all oso MY FAULT I SALAH...:'(

At nite was listening 2 dis song...hmmm wen will the cd scratch wen will my radio spoil!

Takdir yang menentukan
Pertemuan yang tak disangka
Takdir jua yang menentukan perpisahan
Di talian cinta ini
Terjalin ikatan mesra
Walau hanya seketika
Bagiku sungguh bermakna

Masih terkenang lagi
Kepadamu insan misteri
Yang sudi bertamu di hati
Tersentuh hatiku ini
Rasa ingin bersamamu
Menyapu si airmata
Menghilangkan rasa sendu di hati

Setiap malam
Kutunggu panggilanmu
Resah hatiku menanti
Walaupun sehari takku dengar suaramu
Hati rindu...
Kuterasa dunia ini bagai terhenti

Aku tahu kau rindukan aku
Belaian kasih mesra untukmu
Tak sempat lagi kita bersua bermesra
Engkau telah pergi jauh
Terlerai genggaman mawar dari tanganku

Masih terkenang lagi
Kepadamu insan misteri
Yang sudi bertamu di hati
Tersentuh hati kuini
Rasa ingin bersamamu
Menyapu si airmata
Menghilangkan rasa sendu dihati...................